I knew this in theory but I am seeing it in practice.
As I continue the editing phase of this podcast, I'm realizing just how nonlinear the widowhood journey is, and how difficult it is to find a linear narrative. As a storyteller, I want to find a clear story, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. But that's not the reality of the lived experience of widowhood. It flips and flops and starts one place and loops back and maybe seems like it ends but nope there's more and now we're crying again for some reason.
Healing is not linear, and the storytelling reflects that.
There are parts of the story that I'm choosing to edit out for the time being. There are parts of that story that are private and I'd like to keep that way, and there are parts of the story that aren't just mine to tell. Will those elements come up in future episodes? Who knows. Perhaps it's just not the time.
It's also difficult to edit, because it's difficult to talk about. This isn't a fun topic of conversation for anyone. Is it important and cathartic and does talking about it facilitate further healing and awareness? Absolutely. But it's not fun. And sitting in a room by myself listening to these stories, cutting out bits and pieces to "clean it up," is also not the most fun activity.
Widowhood is difficult to edit. And maybe that's a sign for me to limit how much editing I do.